An open letter to Conan O'Brien:
Dear Conan O'Brien,
I find that I can no longer stay silent on a very troubling issue. To be brief, you sir, are an evil bastard. With the numbers of drinking buddies currently out of work in the U.S. numbering in the tens, I find it most disturbing that you have yet to find a side-kick.
A side-kick is an important part of any late night show. A part that appears to have been phased out of all late night tv, almost as if there is some sort of conspiracy. Take a look at the other late night shows. There are 2 shows that rely on the band leader for witty banter. Then there is a show with no side-kick what-so-ever. This is extremely sad and blatantly ego-stroking. Do you think that between Joel's heroin addiction and Max's gansta life-style there is a chance for witty banter? I think not. You need someone to anchor the cast and crew. You need a drinking buddy.
A side-kick will let us stand out in a sea regurgitated filth. A side-kick will allow Late Night with Conan O'Brien to rise above this sea. To rise above and look down apon the others writhing in this sea. Look down and laugh.
A drinking buddy would be the perfect side-kick. They would be able to boost your ego and point out things that you yourself should not take the fall for. At the same time a drinking buddy could add meaningful discourse to the show. Much better than the drug-haze ramblings of Joel. When was the last time you had a discussion with Max? Has he ever said more than 3 words consecutively to you? A drinking buddy will listen and agree with everything you say, a good quality in a side-kick.
In conclusion, hire a drinking buddy for a side-kick today. They deserve the chance, you deserve the prestige.
....wait for it....|
OK keep waiting.